Easter Sunday

I have been struggling this week.

I went home to LA last week for Aaron and I to do our engagement photo shoot and my mom wanted to throw a mini engagement dinner for just our family. 

Everything for one reason or another, went very weird.  I somehow ended up making two of my closest friends randomly mad at me and ended up crying at my engagement dinner.

I felt very attacked and I guess it was my first lesson that you can't take anything personal when planning a wedding and somehow people always think they know better or want to disagree with your plans.

We made the mistake of saying "this is about us getting married, if people don't want to be a part of it they don't have to be."  Somehow that set off my stepdad in to this weird rant as I just sat there crying.  Unfortunately I was trapped in the awkward back corner of the table and couldn't even get up to leave.

I emailed him the next morning to apologize and I still haven't heard back from him.  This hurts me more than I can even explain.  I'm sure he meant to get back to me or hasn't gotten the email but I've built it up in my head that he hates me now.  ...I know that's not true but that's my girl brain working.

So yes, I've been struggling.

I feel so blessed that I found this most fantastic church here in San Diego that has Sunday evening services because I work every Sunday morning. 

This is not a huge church by the way.  Our church only started in 2000.  We actually hold service at Kearny High School in the auditorium.  I know that a church is the people and not the location but that threw me for a loop the first time we went.  But honestly, this is the best church I've ever been to.

We went to the Easter service last night.  The church had set a goal a couple months ago to raise 100 thousand dollars for Haiti, after they had done a ministry trip there. 

When they announced that goal I thought that there was no way it could be accomplished and I'm sad that I have so little faith in the congregation in these hard economic times. 

They announced the total at the end of the service and our church is now sending 219 thousand dollars to Haiti. 

I couldn't believe it. 

All things are possible through God and I'm starting to believe that more.

I need to stop being so selfish.  The wedding isn't just about Aaron and I.  It's about a group of people who have helped us along the way. 

I need to stop complaining to the people who have been generous in helping us.  I just wanted everyone to understand that I'm doing everything I can to have a nice wedding with the people that are closest to us. 

We could have thrown a decently nice wedding for 100 people but have decided that it's more important to treat those 50 people to a wonderful sit down dinner to celebrate with us.

That's all I wanted to say.

I guess I just have to call him....

already kinda over this whole wedding thing...

Every once in a while I'll wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep because I re plan my wedding in my head. 

This morning this went on from 3am (from when I got up to clean cat vom off our carpet) and was wide awake until it was daylight out.  FML

I'm stressed out and frankly, I'm totally depressed over the whole thing.

Pardon my French, but weddings are bull shit.

You can't make anyone happy.  Everything is overpriced (a thousand dollars for flowers are you kidding me?)  Every married woman has told me to "just elope"

When we got engaged I told Aaron that I would take care of everything.  I've already been thinking about it for a while and I have plenty of time at work to research vendors.

The problem is that I didn't know that we'd be working with a 9 thousand dollar budget (including our honeymoon).  That's 5 grand from my Mom and Pseudo Step Dad and 4 grand that Aaron and I can pull together over the next year.

In hindsight that seems like a lot of money, but even to plan a small wedding it's practically impossible. 

Can't we just elope on our honeymoon and put 7-8 grand towards saving for a house?!  Wouldn't that be a smarter idea?

    

Blonde #1

Blonde #2

So apparently getting back to blonde is actually going to take forever.  I guess there is a noticeable difference between pic one and two but I've got a long road back. 

We're doing our engagement photo shoot next week up in LA.  Our good friend Lindsay will be taking them.  I hope she realizes that we are horribly un-photogenic.

We had two bdays to celebrate this last weekend so we went to Lips.  It's a drag show here in North Park.  We went on Saturday night for dinner and drinks and went back with our hangovers on Sunday morning for their Gospel Brunch.  Oh.. yeh... they have bottomless mimosas and bloody marys.  Yowzer.

 



27's my lucky number.

Me, my father, and my mother were all born on a 27th.  September 27th, December 27th, and November 27th. 

It is unbelievable how different you feel between your early 20's to your late 20's.  Your early 20's are matched with insecurity and self doubt.  But at 27 years old it finally feels like it's all coming together. 

I'm out of the awkward "post college" years where you don't really know what your doing or what your plan is.  I wear less make up and feel more comfortable in my own skin.  I eat right and go to sleep early and don't need to get wasted to have a good time.

It's painfully unfair that adolescence and post adolescence is paired with self doubt during all those years of discovery in trying to find the person you are and the person you want to be. 

I like that I'd rather get a new pair of flats instead of a bottle of Jack Daniels. 

I like that I'd rather spend a night in PJ's with Aaron than dancing on a bar or throwing up in the bushes (thanks college).

I like that I don't want to look like Kate Moss anymore and have realized that my hips are HIPS and not love handles. 

I'm so happy that I could quit smoking so I could remember how good Spring smells.  I missed that season for 8 years!

I am blessed to have found the man that I didn't think was out there.  The man I'm going to marry.

LIFE. IS. GOOD.

I am so stoked to make a life with this man and know that this is the life that God planned for us.

my weekend starts on tuesday.

I swear.. San Diego has two seasons, fall and summer.

We are blessed to have an adorable off leash dog park right down the street from us so I spent some quality time with my best bud, Baxter, earlier this week.  I know this is ridiculous but my dog is actually photogenic.  I think he understands there's a camera and he works it.  ;)

 Aaron and I did some hiking in Torrey Pines which overlook La Jolla shores and is supposed to be breathtaking but of course we drive out there and we are literally standing in a giant cloud that blocks any possibly view of the ocean.  That was kind of a bust.

Although we did sort our our bridal party so woot woot.

MORE BLONDE IS COMING TOMORROW!!

Can't wait!  Then I'm going to take my sassy blonde self to watch the Padres whoop the Giants.  It's on orange and black!!!!   You're goin dowwwwwwn!!