I can't stop watching this video. omg.

Why New Years Eve became a train wreck and I loved every minute of it.

I'll admit it, I'm a control freak.  I also have a punctuality problem.  Not meaning that I'm ever late but if I am running late it gives me horrible anxiety.  In the sort of way that I have in the past dragged my HTB (husband to be) behind me like a child while I storm through crowds.  Clearly this has resulted in an argument where he pointed out that I am psychotic.

This year on New Years Eve, while we were wrapped up in the ambience and excitement of it all we decided to bar hop at approximately 11:30.  

After walking several blocks to our destination and seeing a line around the block I went in to immediate panic mode.  I did my usual “walk faster than everyone in 4 inch heels model stomp mode with my crazy long legs that make me a crazy speeding drunken pissed off giant”  

After retreating back to the bar that we had just bailed on, we soon realized there was also a last minute line of people trying to get in before midnight.  While myself and the other couple I was with stood in line, I caught Aaron out of the corner of my eye as he had some how snuck in the back gate of this bar leaving me outside.  Somehow this didn’t bother me because I just wish I would have done the same.  After staring at my phone to check the time every 25 seconds I started to panic when I saw the time read 11:59.

            (SHIT!   I’m not going to be able to get my kiss to start out the year that we’re getting married.                             SHHHIIIIIIITTTT!!!!!)

I heard the dreaded New Years countdown start and I bolted from the line, ran up to the back of the bar, jumped the fence in a very inappropriate mini skirt, grabbed Aaron and got my New Years kiss. 

In what I can only refer to is a moment straight out of the Jersey Shore, the bouncer tore us apart told us to get out and tossed Aaron’s beer on the ground.  Although Aaron and I left that bar in a ridiculous outburst of profanities and middle fingers, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

As stupid as it sounds this is probably a story that I will tell my kids.  Because although looking like a drunk idiot is never anything to be proud of, I will always remember that on the first moments of 2012, there was nothing that was going to stop me from getting to the man I’m about to spend the rest of my life with.

When times get tough in our marriage I’m going to look back fondly on that moment, and remember that ridiculous portrayal of dedication to him.

But maybe next year… when we're an old married couple.. we’ll take it down a few notches.  ;)   

Mental ramblings of a tattooed bride..

I have a great big fear that on my wedding day, I will walk down the aisle and everyone will ignore my bridal beauty and focus on the great big tattoo on my arm.  

I will admit this here, and only here, that for a while I was even considering covering it up to appease our wedding guests.  Luckily this isn’t something that has ever been suggested to me, I just let my overworking girl brain get the best of me.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in what is expected of you.  Or even worse, what you THINK is expected of you.  

I had an idea of the half sleeve that I wanted to get but it changed when Aaron lost his best friend to suicide. 

He was living with us at the time.  He had always struggled with depression but he seemed like he was doing okay.  After a few months he was starting to lose it, and we were nervous.  The night before he left, I looked at Aaron and said “we need to talk about this tomorrow because I’m getting worried.”  That was after he told Aaron he could have his guitar.  That was the last time we saw him.

After he hadn’t come home a day later I went in his room and found his suicide note.  It took the police all day to find him.  While Aaron became very sick, I obsessively cleaned the house hoping he’d walk through the front door.  The police came back that evening, and our lives were changed forever.

That day somehow fused me and Aaron together.  I think when you go through something so tragic, even only a few months in to our relationship, it defines whether or not you can make it through.

The tattoo on my arm is from the book he left me with.  I finished it right before I found his letter saying goodbye.

Is it somewhat strange that a chick would get a giant “ship of the dead” from a Stephen King novel tattooed on her arm?  TOTALLY! 

And while that doesn’t go along with what people’s vision of a normal bride is, it’s me.

I told Aaron last month that while I love all of our groomsmen; it’s hard for me to plan the wedding knowing that he was supposed to be up there with us.  I will always feel like he’s missing. 

I know that when I walk down the aisle he’s there, represented, in a better way than just his name in our program. 

Because a piece of him, a piece of everyone I've lost, is there with me, on my left arm.

And I'm gonna rock the shit out of it.

Normal work stuff.

I'm an apartment manager which comes with its own interesting set of perks and shortcomings. 

PRO:  Free rent and ALL utilites!
CON:  Dim-witted residents that think it’s a good time to ask you about Community Policies while you’re in your pajamas, bra-less, walking your dog, at 10 o’clock at night. 

My least favorite part of my job is doing an Annual Inspection.  Meaning we give a resident 24 hours notice that we’re gonna get all up in their apartment and make sure they’re not hoarders, that they don’t have mold, or a meth lab.

While I think some people would enjoy being in someone’s apartment for the temptation of snooping it makes me morbidly uncomfortable.

I say morbidly because whenever I go in to someone’s apartment 98% of the time I am terrified that I’m going to find a dead body. 

I’ve never been traumatized in any sort of “rotting corpse discovery” sort of way.  But I’m going blame the 13 some odd seasons of Law & Order SVU marathons that I get sucked in to. 

Once I’ve secured the apartment and double checked that there are no carcasses, my next overwhelming fear is that this otherwise normal appearing resident is going to throw a plastic bag over my head in a  “SURPRISE! I’m a psycho and you're dead!” serial killer moment.

So..

Other than that, the free rent is pretty good.

What's happened since June

I am the world's worst blogger.  Bleh.  You know how women with children say that they have "mommy brain" when they forget stuff?  Yeh well I have "wedding brain."  So sue me.

In June Aaron and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary.  Time has totally flown by.  It's now only 9 months to the wedding and things are going well in great part to my over obsessive compulsive brain working overtime.

Yesterday I excitedly told Aaron "I booked our uplighting today!"
Aaron: "How much does that cost?"
Me: "It's only 200." (it's $220 but for some reason I thought the extra $20 seemed excessive)
Aaron: "What is it?"
Me: "It's uplighting...... it's lighting.... for the walls"

Whoops.  I guess that sounds pretty dumb to any guy.  He will totally appreciate it when he sees it in all it's glory.  At least he didn't question it further, Phew!

Last month my sister gave birth to a beautiful (big) baby boy.  I would like to announce that my uterus has FINALLY started wanting something.  I still don't want a baby anytime soon but THANK GOD I have some sort of a biological clock.... or hourglass.....

My 28th birthday is at the end of this month.  All of my bridesmaids have agreed to come down (on a Tuesday no less) to spend it with me and to do an initial dress search for them.  My sister, aka my Matron of Honor will be taking her first trip down here with my nephew Alex.  I'm glad Aaron will get to spend some time with him.  I got a crash course in baby care when I went up for three days to help her take care of him.  Oh and of course just had the talk with my future mother in law about when babies will be happening.

Aaron's bday is exactly one week after mine (what a pain in the ass right? haha) We're going to spend the weekend in between in Mexico with our friends John and Jessie.  Then I have no idea what to do or give him for his birthday.

I usually have this planned out months in advance but I can't help it I have "wedding brain."

Till next time ... hopefully not 4 months from now :)

looky looky

This isn't after any more highlights I guess just the toner that my stylist put in last time has just been fading over time revealing this really pretty golden brown.  Will be going back in the beginning of next month (hopefully in time for our trip to Rosarito!)  ps.  I know I'm super cheap but I've also kinda re-fallen in love with Supercuts.  Screw it.  I'm cool with having my hair cut for 18 bucks!

Going camping for the night to catch up with a few other couples at the tail end of their Memorial Day Weekend trip.  My weekend is Monday - Wednesday but luckily have a ladies night with my best friend to get pedis and sushi on Tuesday.  Holler.

there's a marriage at the end of this wedding

I feel that Aaron and I have what it takes to make it.  I feel that in my bones that's how much I believe it.

We are total goofballs and we will do practically anything to make each other laugh.  That is my favorite parts about us. 

Well lets just assume that Aaron and I live to be 90.  *Fingers crossed*

What happens if and when that laughter stops at some point within the next 63 years?   I guess I just have no idea and no example in my life of how that works.  At least Aaron's parents are still together but I've been living with a single mom since I was about 5.

How long does it really take for people to throw in the towel?  When do people let go of the "till death do us part"?